I Phase into my Garden Home at the fountain patio. Sanamus is right there at the spot on which I appear, like he’s been waiting at the door for me. He comes close, his hands resting on my upper back and arm.
“I know you’re going to want me to talk about it, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to put it into words. But I suppose it’s time I do some Healing Heartweaving sessions for it.”
“I’d like to go ahead and initiate one while we are in this Stream,” he says.
I nod. “The worst part about it is that I feel like I live in a world that could care less whether I live or die. And then do I translate that as a rejection of me – part of me could care less whether I live or die? I’ve faced this before and at the time Soulmerging saved me or at least the healing sessions. Anyhow let’s get that conference started.”
Sanamus brings me into his arms.
Moving to the table, we pick up our mochas and just stand together rather than sitting. Even though the patio table is small, it feels like too much space between us.
“Last night I also felt really discouraged. I was so tired half of the day. I couldn’t really seem to focus on re-reading our fi rst Morning Stream from a few days ago. Admittedly, I was at my peak negative phase of my intellectual biorhythm. I guess I really need to look at that stuff and adjust my days accordingly. I’m judging myself for ‘not working’ when maybe that part of my negative phases are not meant for working but resting and recuperating. And then I wondered if I am going about this all wrong. I have in my head that I need to produce a stream of content in order to somehow bring in money so that I can stop doing Rover so much and so I can be self-sufficient should J******* leave this earth before I do. Maybe that whole ‘plan’ is inaccurate.
The only thing I know for sure is that I’m creating an online library on my website and that I want to do these Heart Streams. Following further with my Heart’s Desires, I’d like to start doing more audio blogs and I want to play more with singing words that become stretched when I edit the audios. I like the idea of my content being a form of giving. I’ve thought of putting one of those ‘if you want to pay’ buttons on every piece of content and make downloadable versions of what I post, like I recently did for the Compassion article or blog that I posted. I haven’t promoted it yet because I’m still editing it. Maybe I can create an ad on Pinterest for it.”
“Why don’t you pull a Soul Symbol for a perceptual shift regarding the website content system which you are wanting to create,” he suggests.
I’m thinking of the idea of nourishment and the idea of the website being how I feed myself. I don’t think that refers to money. More like I experience myself as I create content and that experience nourishes my lower bodies that are closer to the physical. And just as I eat everyday, a little creativity where I fl ow myself into a physical form becomes nourishing for my more physical aspects.
“So, my website is basically for myself. That Symbol does turn things around into a system of nourishing myself primarily and any others who come along. Something for me to mull over while I get ready to leave.”
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